One of the first things I did after hearing that we were pregnant was to run to the book store and then go online to find books for expecting fathers.
What I found was a constellation of books written for men that I did not know – reluctant fathers and misogynistic ignorant men. Men with IQs below 80 for sure and men who were incredibly insecure and out of touch with their own internal states.
I was deeply resentful to discover that men had only this gross caricature of themselves depicted in the books that men would be reaching for exactly at a time when they needed a sense of empathy. When trying to normalize a deeply unfamiliar experience, the men are told that they should be real men – meaning stupid, insensitive, selfish men . Children.
This pluralistic ignorance needs to be attacked. I am willing to wager months of writing that there are a lot of men out there like me. Men who are thrilled to be soon-to-be fathers. Men who are fascinated by the pregnancy process. Men who are worried and concerned – and not just about the sudden mood swings of their partners. There are men who want to be great fathers, who want to know how to nourish and nurture the minds and bodies of their babies.
So I have decided to create a space – the unorthodoxdad. It is part personal blog, part online magazine. I chronicle my own experiences as a father while publishing the work of others as well. It is not intended as a how-to guide and I have no training in child-development or any other relevant field. Rather I am hoping to voice my own concerns and experiences, one’s that I believe other men are experiencing, to give other thinking men (most men I would presume) a sense of what they are in store for.
So here it goes.